introduction

When i first had sex i was just 14 years old.

If u asked me now, i’d say that was way too early. Back then i defined myself over my body. I dressed really slutty and everything about me was self-display. But i didn’t know who i was. I was super insecure, i wanted to be liked from everbody and didnt know my limits well.
I had this best friend, i was so jealous about her. She was one grade higher than me and honestly every boy chased after her. I wanted to be as popular as she was. And yeah, guess what, she already had sex at the age of 13…so i was a bit late.
You shouldn’t underestimate the influence of your friends to get deflowered (or in other groups staying a virgin)…
My situation was like this: i had a boyfriend when i was 13 ( he was 12) and i wanted to do it with him. But, and i think very highly of him because of that, he did’nt feel ready back then. So when our sweet little romance ended, i still was a virgin.
So i decided it wouldn’t matter who it would be to do it first with.
After i dated my lovely first boyfriend i fell in love with a 17-year-old boy. Sadly, he never wanted to be a couple with me, what didn’t stop him to take everything he wanted from me anyway. On my 14th birthday i celebrated with him and two other 17-year-old guys in a little garden house, all alone with a lot of alcohol. Back then it was very common to play “spin the bottle”, where u have to face challenges one of the players made up when the bottle points on you. Well, in summary i had to drink a lot of shots, had to let them touch my boobs, show the guy i fell for my pussy in the bathroom and touch his dick. I would lie, if i told you i didn’t feel sepcial. I mean those three guys spent all their attention to me. But i also felt nervous and afraid wether they still would like me, if i sayed “no” to anything of that.
Later me and my crush went to bed. He really wanted to bone me. This is what he said. Luckily i found the guts, to tell him i don’t feel ready. Not that that could stop him. He undressed and made me wank his boner while he was lying on top of me and ejaculating into my fist. I just remember that i felt used and hurt. That was the first time i did something sexual what i didn’t feel ready to. The first time i didn’t know a way out of the situation, because i was alone with those boys in this hut and it was late at night and i was drunk.
The weird thing is i that i felt proud to tell my best friend about this afterwards. And she laughed exitedly and made me feel i did well to please him. So i learned my lesson, that others respect you for your experiences with sex and boys like you if you let them do with you what they want. (And i needed 6 more years to throw over this thought.)
The next summer my best friend took me with her on holidays in a very small village in middle Germany.
We had a good time with a lot of chilling in the garden, sleeping long and walking around town. Until the day before we had to leave.
The neighbour of her granny’s house arrived, a charming, again 17-year-old boy, who already knew my best friend since childhood.
So we decided to watch horror movies together at his place. After two movies my friend was tired and went back to our house to go to sleep.
And while “Saw” was on TV he started kissing me. He asked me whether i still was a virgin, but i couldn’t tell him the truth, because i feared he would reject me and i lied to him that i already had sex with three boys. So after a lot of fumbling we ended up naked in his bed.
And what happend then makes me really mad meanwhile: without even considering it, he just placed his dick in my vagina without wearing a condom. I mean what was he thinking! We were in missionary pose and i just felt pain. I felt really uncomfortable, but at least i managed to tell him to go out again and roll on a condom. He refused and asked me wether that’s really necessary!!! But i insisted, so he did.
After he was back in me, i found the guts to tell him i was a virgin. I will never forget his dissapointed reply: “Honestly? Shit…”.
So he bumped me for a little while, while i was facing the wall and waiting for it to be over. Then he took my face in his hand and told me to look more happy and smile…No words for that.
Well, surprise surprise i couldn’t follow his demand and he just hurried to finish. When he was done ( and believe me, i don’t know how he actually could come in this situation), i got dressed and went to my friends grandmothers house again. I climbed through the open window and went straight to the toilet. There was blood in my pants and i sweared i’d never have sex again in my life. I felt so disgusted and lonely. Then i went to bed.
Again the next day i reported proudly to my friend i lost my virginity. She was happy for me and we were very cheerful about the fact i joined the club of people who have sex.
A couple of hours later we were already on the way home and when i returned to shool some days later, i rember to feel mature and head and shoulders above the rest.

So my very first experiences with sex suck a lot actually…
I was pushed right away into the role of a women to shut up and please the man.

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